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Traders joking ...

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Re: Traders joking ...

#1081
SilverBB wrote:
Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:02 am
Went to a new night club last night.
There was a special treat for all the Fellas... A Topless lady Ventriloquist.
Nobody has ever seen her lips move...
Hahaha oh no
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Re: Traders joking ...

#1082
Final exam at a German university some years ago. Topic of this semester: Sound and light.
First candidate enters the room. The Prof: "What is faster, the sound or the light?"
Student #1: "The light." The Prof: "Nice, and why?" The Student: "When I turn on the radio, first the light and then the sound comes." The Prof: "Out!!!"
The second candidate. Same question. Answer: "The sound." The Prof: "Why that?!?" Student #2: "When I turn on my TV, the sound comes first and then the vision." "OUT!!!"
The professor wonders if the students are too stupid or if he makes the questions too complicated. The third candidate. The Prof: "You are standing on a hill, facing a cannon fired at you, what do you perceive first, the muzzle flash or the bang?"
The Student: "The muzzle flash." The Prof exults and asks, "Can you explain that?" The student hums and haws and then says: "Well, the eyes are ahead of the ears ..."

Re: Traders joking ...

#1083
At Sydney University, there were four students taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident with the finals approaching that the weekend before, they decided to go down to Canberra and party with some friends there.

They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Sydney until early Monday morning - the morning of their final exam! Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the exam and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Canberra to do some research in the ANU (Australian National University) archives for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they only just arrived now!

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up their final exam the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied hard that night - all night - and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.

He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, (which was out of 100 points) and told them to begin. The first problem was worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. Cool, they all thought in their separate rooms, "this is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. Question 2 (for 95 points): Which tire?

Re: Traders joking ...

#1084
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside ... that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.

"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally little Johnny in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says Johnny, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"

Re: Traders joking ...

#1085
Krelian99 wrote:
Sun Feb 10, 2019 1:12 am
Final exam at a German university some years ago. Topic of this semester: Sound and light.
First candidate enters the room. The Prof: "What is faster, the sound or the light?"
Student #1: "The light." The Prof: "Nice, and why?" The Student: "When I turn on the radio, first the light and then the sound comes." The Prof: "Out!!!"
The second candidate. Same question. Answer: "The sound." The Prof: "Why that?!?" Student #2: "When I turn on my TV, the sound comes first and then the vision." "OUT!!!"
The professor wonders if the students are too stupid or if he makes the questions too complicated. The third candidate. The Prof: "You are standing on a hill, facing a cannon fired at you, what do you perceive first, the muzzle flash or the bang?"
The Student: "The muzzle flash." The Prof exults and asks, "Can you explain that?" The student hums and haws and then says: "Well, the eyes are ahead of the ears ..."
:facepalm: :D
All jokes aside, I've been in a physics class at university where there were a few people that dense...


Re: Traders joking ...

#1086
Two ladies talking about a man.

" That man from the moment I met him it was, Moan Moan, Winge, Winge, Cry Cry, Swear Swear."
" So when did you meet him."
" I ran over him in the car..."

Re: Traders joking ...

#1087
SilverBB wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 10:43 pm
Two ladies talking about a man.

" That man from the moment I met him it was, Moan Moan, Winge, Winge, Cry Cry, Swear Swear."
" So when did you meet him."
" I ran over him in the car..."
Oh dear, that did not end the way I thought it would. :D

Re: Traders joking ...

#1089
Today I brought a pizza with me on the bus.
The driver said: “Hey that is not a restaurant here.”
I said: “I know, that’s why I brought my own food.”

Re: Traders joking ...

#1090
“Waiter, the steak is smelling very strongly of liquor!”
The waiter backs up 3 steps and asks: “How’s that now?




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