I wanted to tell you a joke about leeches. But I won’t – they all suck.

I’m not saying I’m Batman, but so far nobody has seen me and Batman together in the same room.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.

Whoever said "nothing is impossible" clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.

Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave it.

Yes, the early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer.

Experts say you shouldn’t eat at night. So who put the light bulb in the refrigerator?

A trader was travelling along in a hot air balloon, when all of a sudden hot air started escaping from the balloon. The balloon strayed off course and rapidly descended, hitting the ground and ending up in the middle of a paddock.
The trader looked around the paddock but had no idea where he was. Suddenly, a man approached the balloon and asked the trader if he could help him. The trader said yes, and asked the man if he could tell him where he was. The man answered eagerly "you are in a hot air balloon, in the middle of a paddock". The trader replied, "oh, you must be an accountant". The man smiled and said "yes, how did you know?". "Because" explained the trader, "whilst everything you say is perfectly true, it is of absolutely no use to me whatsoever".