"You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…”
“Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!”

A man walks into a bar with some tarmac under his arm and says to the barman "A glass of Wine for me, and one for the road please "

If you're not meant to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator ?

Someone went to the clinic
For analysis in the laboratory, the doctor said that you have iron deficiency and the patient every day swallowed iron nail after eating. Picture inside the operating room

Dragon wrote: Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:47 am Someone went to the clinic
For analysis in the laboratory, the doctor said that you have iron deficiency and the patient every day swallowed iron nail after eating. Picture inside the operating room

Hahahaha what the hell

doctor: patient you, what bothers you?
patient: my doctor hurts in the side.
patient: let's do rengen
doctor: I know without a rengen that you have cancer!
patient: the doctor can not be, a month ago you said that I have stones !!!
doctor: the right stones, and under the stones of cancer!

''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays...''

A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the first word you thought of.

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

"I don't believe in political jokes, I've seen too many of them get elected."