A company in New York City has opened what some are calling a nonalcoholic cocktail bar that creates drinks using lemons and herbal ingredients instead of alcohol. And this is cool — they’re using empty chairs instead of customers.

“You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”—People who don’t understand what cake is for.

Haha

That looks good:
“You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…
Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!”

Airbnb is planning to launch a luxury service for mansions. They say it’s perfect for people who want to have everything stolen from their mansion.

No, I’m not walking on string-cheese stilts. These are just my first bare legs of the season.

The other day, a man in Minnesota got arrested, and handed the officer a Monopoly "Get out of jail free" card. Then when he got to prison, his cellmate handed him a card that said, "You won a beauty contest."